It is a rare night that I am not asleep by 10 pm and a rare morning I am not up by 6 am. I’m not sure how this happened to me. I think it had to do with having a kid but I know this doesn’t happen to everyone with a kid.
I know it has to do with experiencing trauma over the course of my life which makes my sleep always a challenge.
I know that it has to do with the fact that I learned to love mornings and the quiet and stillness in my brain in the early hours.
And I know it has to do with the fact that I lead a life that requires high energy – working full time at a church, teaching one day/week at a seminary, teaching online classes to people in prison, and being a primary parent for a 12-year old – that I have learned over the years that the best way to ensure that I can continue to do these things that I love is to not spend a lot of energy on other parts of my life, like scheduling and eating. So I sleep early and rise early, I eat oatmeal or yogurt every day for breakfast, soup or a salad almost every day for lunch. My bed time is non-negotiable. There are patterns and stabilities I’ve baked into my life that I don’t have to think about, and I feel like doing that affords me the mental and physical energy I need to do the work I do, which is both relationally and creatively draining at times.
I’m sure that a lot of you can relate, and have your own survival strategies for your particular ways in the world.
That said, there are also times that these strategies and plans just don’t work or they break down entirely. Sometimes that manifests in my body finally succumbing to whatever virus has been working its way in me.
That’s where I am now. Sitting on my beloved red chair, where I have been for most of the day, lacking the energy to do anything, even read scripture for today’s Advent blog.
But that’s ok. Sometimes waiting is active and its hard work. Other times, waiting is letting go and just resting.